PHILOSOPHY
An unruly journal of deeper considerations & musings
There’s a lot that I am grateful for, a lot that I am sorry for… most of it will be forgotten before my time is over… but perhaps some small impression I make in the world will be remembered as a fossil… a hallow impression filled in by stronger stuff than me.
When we grieve the death of a dream
perhaps we can begin the acceptance of a new reality… It does not mean that you will not have new choices.
Setting a new goal can become that objective, a new dream. But if you see your goal as only a dream, you may get close enough to reach out and touch it, but it will stay an idea. Perceived rather than a reality for participation…
We all dream, but not always remember… for when you wake up the memory of a dream is fuzzy and tainted by the light of day.
With my back to the sun shadows grow long.. reaching out before me creating a void.. somehow filling it at the same time. My absence reaching further than my actual presence.
I want to paint again.. But I have visions of light and darkness floating in my minds eye… inner light of passing people awakening an inner self… causing the soul to stir… feelings of being torn between past and present… but drawn out and catching at that moment of hitting the end of a thread which ties you to a shadow. Stepping to the edge and the solid stone of confidence and having it crumbling, falling, catching your stomach in a knot… but maybe the is the chance to fly.
This eddy of emotions visual and manifested real through brushwork and passion.. rather than something just in our minds… I have always wanted to do this. As a series… and I think the time is coming. It’s a like a fire light in the forest… powerful and strange, not quite solid… but the source of the light is there… Burning.
A thought on aesthetics and craftsmanship
Whether it is a humble piece of pottery in the garden, a master piece in a gallery, a video game… All of these Arts invited participation and the most successful ones are appealing on more than one level. For us to function s not enough. We want things to feel nice. To make us Feel a certain way. Billions of dollars are dedicated to designing everything we consume… and now naturally we expect everything to be aesthetically appealing.. but is it? Why pay for design that is nice enough but could have been great… COULD have been if someone was willing to risk a profit margin.
I feel that when you find a kindred spirit the idea of embarrassment evaporates.
You find resonance when conversing. It becomes a painting of a beautiful memory. Lends intrigue and zeal to life and art… dissecting reason and discussing passions with complete trust and respect. Something to cherish. All words a song of poetry ..
Letting down your guard can feel like a lazy summer afternoon. Laying in the grass under a tree… Delving into pools of lucid dream, feeling thoughts like ribbons of water running across skin. Scents on soft breezes sparking memories of past connections mingling with the cicadas’ longing song. Leaving you feeling punch drunk in the warmth of it. Languid repose in shady grass with a gentle breeze. Eyes closed but sill watching the dapples of sunlight falling through a canopy of trees. Rises of laughter coming and going with in genial conversation between friends in and out of idol chatter.
With those kindred spirts, time disappears… it is no linger a moment, but a known truth. There is a whole understanding of the world and universe as we are in it. On the point of perfection. A breath caught. Suspension in flight.
I thought I wanted to fall in love…
to submit with confident abandon of all doubts and transgressions
To adore my existence in the presence and present of that which I adore
Another person?
A new Career?
A new artwork?
But I do love. Love in the quiet ways of small gestures, words, and actions. I love endlessly, with patients forgiveness… and that is why it hurts
Living in love rather than submitting to it…
I love the light. Glistening in the moment. Sometimes adorned with diamonds of ice, trees cradle the winter sun amongst frozen bows. Shimmering with the promise of springs to come.
I love the wind. In waves of hot and cold ever changing and carrying life forward. Sometimes fanning flames or whipping across open seas of grasses or water And in the stillness, appreciation grows for its persistence.
I love the water in all its forms. Reflecting our emotions and personification of nature itself. The heavens weep and the oceans wave… still pools hold deep meaning and running rivers race through the landscape.
I love life, despite its flaws… and because I love it so, I accept the hurt and try to be better so maybe I can feel that love in return.
May these few words find the hearts that need them… If they are not for you, be kind and just move along. There is enough darkness in the world.
Life…
unyielding energy pulsing from form to phantom.
Radiating ever outwards in raging spirals.
Stars colliding…
the stars with in.
Today I feel like a sun with a thousand more shining brightly by my side.
Friends flung far we never see, except as twinkling stars.
How hot they burn and how hard they pull against their place in the heavens.
Longing to be reunited with those other orbs.
Glittering brightly, how quickly we forget the roiling surface and the Vulcanic pressures .
The madness that burns with in We stars.
Today, our star held fast in the azure skies of summer.
We lived as people do, coming and going, not stopping too long for any one thing.
Tonight the clouds heavy with the promise of rain pregnant with fire from the setting sun.
I stopped…
Evening winds gently scooping great heaps of light and shadow together.
Looking, searching for something gather than myself, I paused.
Trying to get lost in those moments, suspended in the glow.
Today the light fought back the darkness.
Demons kept at bay.
Only moving forward. Working. Creating.
Making “light” for that one dark day that needs a little extra.
Life.. the battle.. the phantoms.. My outer shell glazed hard by the trials of the fire.
From reaching out to touch the stars..
For believing it is possible..
I know it is possible.
It is possible for stars to collide. For energy to climax as a nova or supernova to change the path of the universe.
Leaving light. Leaving phantoms for us to find.
Leaving us to ponder…
What is living?